The Wedding preparation.
When we think about the “happiest day of our lives”( generally considered our Wedding Day) we rarely think about financial, and familial conflict causing havoc in the run-up to the event which can have long-lasting negative connotations and resentments. We, instead tend to conjure up images of a beautiful ceremony, the dress (es), the style, the venue, bridesmaids, best men, page boys, flower girls the vows, food, fun, dancing, and laughter, surrounded by friends and family. All dreamy and romantic.
Why does Conflict creep in?
However, the reality can often be so different. How could the Wedding Day- marrying the love of your life, with all your family and friends with you be a flashpoint for conflict? My business Conflict Clarity, https://www.conflictclarity.ie is an accredited and professional private mediation practice. It is my experience that life events such as weddings can, and do cause huge conflict.
The reasons for this are heightened emotions, expectations, and pressures, which can lead to enormous stress and blowouts. These explosions of anger generally happen with those nearest and dearest to us. It is true that the events which are most precious to us and which we most look forward to can sadly cause huge pressure.
Expectations.
We can be quite tense and determined that will be ‘perfect’ (like in those fairy tales). However, when we mix families, blended families, expectations, family rifts, petty resentments, settling ‘scores’ perhaps, and stress around money, altogether it’s like like a rumbling volcano, waiting to blow.
Usually, the majority of the issues that cause so much strife and stress are readily negotiable once openly identified and discussed. Instead are allowed to blight joyful occasions. Furthermore, sadly these are the issues that people will look back on and remember.
What to do?
I’m a firm believer in clarity, in being clear, in saying what your needs are and being open, frank, and at times forthright. People are not mind readers. People feel safe around clear, direct people. If you don’t want your mother’s/father’s third and fourth cousins at your wedding, say it, loud and clear. Long gone are the days when “we have to invite them because they invited us”.
If Covid has taught us anything it should be that how we do things has changed. On your and your partner’s wedding day, you don’t need to be railroaded into having people at your wedding if you do not want them (or even know them).
Self Awareness and Preservation.
If you go against yourself (to keep the peace) you will feel worse, as once a boundary has been extended, generally those who have pushed the boundary will not stop. As a result, huge internal conflict erupts, and this is a recipe for further conflict with yourself and everybody else.
Conflict is not necessarily bad in itself but how we manage it makes the difference. Dealing with conflict (internal or external) calmly, curiously, and comprehensively takes the ‘heat ‘out of a potentially ‘flammable situation’. Everybody feels better in the long run as each knows where they stand, and the air has been cleared. Even if a resolution is not found, everyone is clear, and then we have a choice to make.
Miscommunication is one of the biggest causes of conflict and this is so easily avoidable. Conflict Clarity provides bespoke individual and group retreats for couples embarking on the joyful adventure of marriage. Mediation is not only about separating the assets of a marriage (or relationship) when the relationship breakdown, we provide practical, self-reflective communication skills using mediation strategies to ensure your relationship is as clear as possible, with yourself, your significant other, and the important people in your lives going forward.
For further information on
How to manage pre-wedding tensions and conflict, or pre-wedding/post-wedding retreats contact sharon@conflictclarity.ie or check out the website www.conflictclarity.ie. http://focus.ruepointmedia.ie/image/37797968/1/Sharon,Sharon%20Morrissey,Conflict%20Clarity
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Conflict Clarity provides bespoke training, conflict management, and mediation to WORKPLACES, INDIVIDUALS, COUPLES, and FAMILIES.